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Match Reports > YBOMIO - You've been Out Manned Invitational...

YBOMIO - You've been Out Manned Invitational Open.

New Year’s Eve, 2010, saw the 4^th annual You’ve Been Outmanned Invitational Open (YBOMIO) – this year held at the internationally renowned, municipally owned, Rookwood Beach course. For readers unfamiliar with the YBOMIO, it was started in honour of Hasan Hasan Hasan Hasan Hasan, a former player of BGRFC and a man’s man – in more ways than one. In fact, the author of this article can remember when, having served an opposition player a ‘sack’ lunch, a thick Canadian drawl explained to sprawling tacklee that he was only upset because he’d ‘just been outmanned’. A legend was born.

The YBOMIO is not so much a celebration of golf, as it is a comedic exhibition of hacking and indecent exposure (more on that later). Previous winners are pretty forgettable. But not many people, fans and players alike, can't forget the infamous call of "neck it or neck Swetman" from Dan ‘sometimes you just have to take your chances’ Harding to the 2008 loser (with a score of 1,912), Danny ‘pavement herpes’ Conway.

This year’s competition saw several new players to the invitational: two more spoons (little & tea), Dangerous Brian (dressed for a night out in G-town), Jonty Smithington-Smythe  and Phil the Gob – plus the usual suspects, and veterans of the YBOMIO: the Callaghan sisters, Big spoon, Ben ‘motormouth’ Stanyer, Tarka the Otter, Winkle Harris & Sanchez.

As for the golf, I don’t really know. Teaspoon set the early pace in the first group, looking like he'd really benefitted from Popeye’s golf tuition. As usual the Callaghan sisters (now bigger than the Hilton, Minogue and Pointer siblings combined on the Horsham social scene) played with their usual slightly-better-than-everyone-else-but-thank-god-Rhino-or-Filbs-or-Rich-Colson-isn’t-playing technique. In fact, I think Samantha may have won the tournament, with Joanne a close second.

But the real highlights? They are as follows: Phil the Gob getting a little confused with his numbers (“I’m sure 9 is less than 4”), Winkle constantly having his winkle out – due to an inability to get past the ladies tee, Big & little spoon and Stanyer being allowed to call each hole a day after 12 shots, Teaspoon being royally exposed for getting Essex sunburn, Brian dressed as if he was looking for a new ‘bin’ (some people will know what that means. If not, ask the big man himself. It’s disgusting), Big Spoon dressed as bling-bling farmer and Joanne Callaghan & the Otter playing with wild disregard for their balls – two times I was nearly clocked by their unruly balls.

In summary, for BGRFC members who want to join the 2011 tournament, the message is simple: we’re not good at golf, we take some beers, and just have a laugh – so get involved. There is talk of a mid-year YBOMIO. So, hands of your cocks and on with your long socks, and get swinging. GET IN THE HOLE!